A Journey of Three Years

I just caught myself in this very self aware moment.  I was on pintereset (Hi, I'm Sara...I'm an addict) and I went to pull out a journal so I could record all these grand ideas I have, how I'm going to make my life completely organized, fit back into those skinny jeans, become a professional photographer, open an etsy shop and do all this in one month! No...really for a split second I contemplated doing all of this.  So back to the journal I pulled out, I expected it to be blank, but it wasn't. Its the journal I had started writing when I was deciding if I wanted to, no if I was actually going to follow through to, get a divorce or not.

"today I recognize that nothing he could do at this point would be enough & that closes the option of going back to the marriage. while this is sad it also frees me to look ahead to my future without complicated 'what if's."  author uknown 

"I don't need anyone else to show me how to fly or how to find my wings...my wings are broken...there's one truth that ties it all together, though...that you WILL fly again..you will." Melody Ross

I think visually and in lists so I have all these pages full of lists of what I though I could do better, what I could sacrifice, the worry I had for my children.  I started to look at this huge laundry list of things I felt like dazed, tired, worn out, drained, confused, scared, alone. And then I look at this list of words below it of how I wanted to feel....loved, adored, honored, respected, beautiful, strong, brave, wise. I got teary eyed I feel all those things now! Not in every moment of every day but I do have this very strong sense of 'right' in my life. Don't get me wrong my life is far from perfect I still battle with my depression and hang out in my pj's more days than not, I still loose my temper with my kids and some days I'm embarrassingly lazy and yet even with all these imperfections I still spend more days than not feeling happy and peaceful. I place three years ago I never thought I would be. 

So I wanted to take a moment to stop thinking about all my wants in this world and how I feel like I fall short and simply embrace the journey my life has been the last few years and  to say thank you God.  It has been a very messy, hard, bumpy, scary road but I truly believe that no other road could have brought me here. Thank you God for this beautiful life and I'm sorry on some days I don't love it as much as I should, but God I know you know my heart and I am truly so grateful.

*please note that the bottom two images are courtesy of Brave Girls Club. check out their life changing fun for women at www.bravegirlsclub.com or https://www.facebook.com/BraveGirlsClub

xoxo
~s